Off Duty Mom

Thoughts from an exhausted mom who is NEVER really "off duty"

Archive for the tag “blogging”

Join the Off Duty Family

Please consider sharing your embarrassing stories for our Mother’s Day series.  Deadline for entry will be April 30.

What have you done that makes you want to shake your head at your former self?

For Mother’s Day this year, we are looking for stories you don’t want your mamma to know.  (We won’t tell her your story came from you!)

Let the fun begin!

Visit our submission page to send in your story.

Seeking Writers

We haven’t done a guest-post series in quite some time.

The world is long overdue for a great series like the one we did on infertility about a year and a half ago.

We had a number of amazing, funny, heartbreaking submissions and I think that it is time to showcase some serious talent again.

The next Off Duty Mom Guest Series will feature articles about the topic of

Embarrassing Stories I Don’t Want My Mom to Know

So, did you do something stupid/hilarious/dangerous/moderately legal in your younger years that our readers would find endearing, funny or adorable?  Did that ridiculous thing you did result in embarrassment, shame or imprisonment that we can all laugh at together?

Have you been in a situation that is funny now, but was mortifying then?  Would your mama slap you silly if she knew you stole that/ate that/went there/dated him/failed that class/drank that Kool-Aid/posed for that picture?

Let’s laugh and cry together.  Share your funny and embarrassing story to be posted in a Mother’s Day series.  Let us be glad that you’re not our kid…

 

Pubic Garanimals Dry Hump Samurai Schematics

I am huge in Uganda today.

And, a few weeks back I frickin’ killed it in Sri Lanka.

 

And, in the past few months, people have found this blog by searching for

  • lime juice vagina
  • pubic chia pet
  • Garanimals for men
  • slut whore
  • I’m a girl with hair on my vagina and I don’t care
  • dry humping mom’s ass cheeks
  • Flowbee schematics
  • being ashamed
  • my kids are alive
  • Samurai swords
  • sticky pube
  • dork snatch
  • messy hair with twigs in it
  • Do people with uncircumcised boys get peed on less?

I don’t know what this says about my blog.

Please put your interpretations in our “Comments” section.

Yes, it’s my kid.

Off Duty Mom is proud to feature a special “Hooray for Mother’s Day” special publication!

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Guest Post by Stephanie Friant

You know, the one who starts poking the boy next to him during the end-of-year school show.

The one who has six different projects going on at the same time – then corrects me that it is only three.

The one who pulled the fire alarm at church because he wanted to know what it does.  (Special thanks to Fireman Luke who then handed out stickers.)

And the classic, after dumping all his books on the floor trying to find one particular story, his response to why he hadn’t picked them up was:  “I told [my little sister] to do it.”

He keeps me running.  I have spent so many days trying to get one step-ahead of him, but rarely ever get there.

I hope and pray that I can love him enough that the world will continue to be an adventure, a safe place.  Yet, I also know that at some point, I will be running miles behind him.

He has been, is, and will always be a gift.

He has stretched my mind and heart and spirit in ways I never thought possible.

This being of joy, love and unpredictability has transformed my world, allowing me to embrace the beauty of the unknown.

He is part of me and completely separate.  He is a mirror highlighting all my shadows, yet loving me regardless.

He will always be a bit of a mystery to me, yet in my own way, I get him.  I understand him as only a mother can – a being who miraculously made room for himself inside my own body, and now continuing to make room for himself in the world.  He is of my flesh, and will always be of my heart.

Stephanie Friant is a wife, mom, and friend with a calling for professional ministry.  She loves learning, writing, being outdoors, and helping others on their spiritual journeys.  Stephanie lives with her family in the Twin Cities and retreating to the cottage in Northern Michigan.

Yowza! Fingers crossed!!

We’re happy to be included in Babble’s contest and thrilled to be recognized here at Off Duty Mom-central!

CHECK THIS OUT!

It is an honor just to be nominated, but damn, we’d sure love to win!

Think about supporting one of your favorite blogs (how could ODM not be a favorite, right?).

Good karma promised to all voters!

 

 

Merry, Merry 12 Days ’12

O. M. G.

Check me out, y’all.

I am being featured over at Momma Be Thy Name in the annual “Momma’s 12 Days” contest.

Head over there to read my post:  “Singing (So I Don’t Cry)” to get out of your funk and get into the holiday spirit, ODM-style.

Sure, your in-laws are coming over in a few days and your house will never be clean enough to avoid sarcastic commentary.  And, your sister-in-law is a bitch any time of year in any home or location.  But, silly Christmas posts are fun.  And, you can win prizes.

Yup.  Prizes, dudes.

What are you waiting for?

DO IT!

You know you wanna.

Many Thanks!

Off Duty Mom has reached its one year anniversary blogging at WordPress. 

Thank you so much to all of the readers who have helped motivate us to talk incessantly about varicose veins, the Lazy Town acid trip, potty training, wine consumption, bow hunting, Pinterest, sexual fantasies, snot, exhaustion and Snoop Dogg.

It has been a great year.  The Off Duty Family appreciates your support.  We thank you for visiting us on WordPress, Twitter and Facebook. 

Happy Holidays!

The clock is ticking, y’all!

If you are still considering guest-posting with Off Duty Mom for the December series on fertility, time is running out.

We are still searching for three more stories about families, couples or individuals who have all types of stories about infertility, miscarriage, premature births, in vitro procedures, and all manner of struggles and triumphs relating to baby-makin’.

Help us to make this series a success! Guest posts can be short or long; funny, touching or heartbreaking. We are open to all of it. You can stay anonymous if you’d like, even.

Too many of us know how difficult it is to start and maintain a family. If we share stories, though, more of us may come to realize that we are not alone.

Join us, won’t you?

Check out the Guest Posting page here or visit us on Facebook to submit your story.

Thanks!

(Almost) Last Call for Submissions!

This December, Off Duty Mom will be featuring the stories of several women who have experienced all stages and types of battles with infertility.  As the holiday season approaches, many of us know that it can be difficult to cope with NOT getting the one thing we really want:  a family.

You can’t always get what you want, but you can try sometime and you might find you get what you need.

Avid readers of Off Duty Mom know that we love humor, wit and cleverness.  However, stories of all types and tones are welcome.  Send us your happy, sad, exhausting, gory, triumphant, expensive and just plain weird stuff, too.  We will feature selected stories about people’s struggles with all types of infertility throughout the month of December.

If you are interested in submitting a piece for consideration, please visit the “Guest Posting” section of the Off Duty Mom blog.  Or, “like” Off Duty Mom on Facebook and submit your piece through a message to us there.

The goal is to provide the many, many loving adults out there who have a very special wish for this holiday season will have a wonderful series of stories to read from people all over so that they may understand that they are not alone in their struggles.

If you’d like more information about the upcoming series, please leave a comment here.  We’ll get back to you soon.

For the many of you with whom we’ve already spoken about submitting your stories, please get those to us soon!  We can’t print everything we receive, but we do hope to include as many as we can!

Submissions will be accepted until November 22 (Thanksgiving Day).

Happy writing!

Announcing the BIG 200 GIVEAWAY!

Today, I reached 99 total followers.  I couldn’t be happier!  

When I started blogging, I didn’t know if anyone at all would ever read a single word I wrote.  But, now I am on the brink of reaching 100 followers.  I’m humbled.

I have decided that when I reach 200 followers, I am going to enter all of the followers into a drawing for a giveaway of artisan jewelry.  As the numbers get closer to 200, I will post information about the pieces you can win.

Thank you to all of the blog and Twitter followers out there.  Please be sure to tell your friends that they can be entered to win, too, if they join our list.  And, check us out on Facebook, too.  More information is available there as well.

THANKS!

A Happy Day

Things that are sad:

-Puppy dogs frowning while Sarah McLachlan music plays and she begs you to give money to the frowny puppies so that they won’t live with people who make them so frowny.

-Me immediately signing up to give money to the frowny puppies because I am that impressionable.

-Lindsay Lohan wrecking her car.  Again.  Honey, get a chauffeur, already.  Poor little rich girl.

-Running out of wine.  (like here).

-War.  Famine.  Wildfires.  Mean people.

Things that are happy:

-Winning another Liebster Award!

-Rainbows, smiley puppy dogs, and the way my son feels in my arms after a bath, all wrapped up in a towel smelling of  lavender.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s go ahead and focus on that LIEBSTER AWARD!

Thanks so much to Kathy V. from Don’t Forget to Feed the Baby.  I am again honored to be recognized for my writing.  This made my day.  I am at work at a job I don’t really love and today is my baby’s 1st birthday.  So, I’d obviously rather not be here.  Seeing that I have won a prize, though, makes me a little more pleased to have logged on to a computer today.

Here are some other blogs you should check out.  I have, in turn (and according to the rules [because I ALWAYS follow rules]), nominated some other fabulous writers:

Tragic Sandwich

Momma Be Thy Name

An Idealist Thinker

-Charly Walker

Mega Momma Musings

Many thanks to all of my readers for your support.  I appreciate every single visit you make to this site.  And, I am truly honored when one of you selects me to recognize for one of the blogging awards out there.  When I began blogging, I didn’t imagine this many people would find their way to me and enjoy reading the ridiculousness spewed from my brain.

And, incidentally, if you’re interested in learning more about the frowny puppies (or, more seriously, about how you can help provide comfort and relief for pets who have been abused and abandoned), please visit the ASPCA official website:  http://www.aspca.org/.

A Humbling Moment

When I started blogging, I did so for my own good.  I was in a funk and realized that it was mainly because I had so much in my head and it was all just too overwhelming.  I had to empty out a bit so that there’d be room for other stuff in there like memories of my baby son’s first words, thoughts about a kick-ass 1st birthday party for my youngest, and an aptitude for math.  I’ve always believed that I sucked at math because my brain was too full of other stuff.  Now that WordPress has let me get some thoughts out, it turns out that overcrowding was NOT the reason my math skills were less than desirable.  Hmm..  Weird.

At any rate, I never expected to be able to reach so many people, hear responses from so many parts of the planet, and have my mental vomit qualify as high-quality by readers.

To my surprise today, I received notification that I’d been honored with another blogging award.  Thank you so very much, Smommy, for the kudos.

Award image courtesy of Smommy.wordpress.com

Thank you…

Image

I was touched to have been recognized as a “versatile blogger” recently by the lovely Jennifer Butler Basile at the “Chopping Potatoes” blog.  Yesterday, she surprised me by recommending “Off Duty Mom” for the The Versatile Blogger Award.  She could only select 15 blogs to list as those she most admires, so I am thrilled that she included “Off Duty Mom” as one of them.  Thank you, Jennifer, for your kind words.

Many of you have likely seen these awards that bloggers give to one another to help recognize the fact that someone’s words have resonated or have impacted readers in some way.  The idea is for bloggers to let one another know that when we take that leap of faith and bare our souls to the vast empire of internet-dom, our words not only reach people worldwide, but make a positive — and often permanent — impression.  There is no greater gift than to know that you’ve touched someone’s life.

So, I plan to recognize the writers who have touched mine:

Momma Be Thy Name

Pile of Babies

Dirty Rotten Parenting

Jean Day Friday

Mittens and Boots

Science of Mom

Noodle and Goo

Working Momma With a Baby

My Toddler Peed in the Fridge

Moms Who Wine

The Good, The Bad and the Saggy

Katy Stuff

The Bookshelf of Emily J.

Making the Trek

Storyteller in the Digital Age

According to Jennifer, “if you find yourself nominated, you’ve been awarded The Versatile Blogger award.  And then, you need to pay it forward” by

  • Thanking the person who gave you this recognition
  •  Including a link to their blog
  •  Selecting 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly
  •  Nominating those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  •  Telling  seven things about yourself
                       Here are 7 things about me:  I HATE peanut butter and chocolate together (Jennifer says she loves it — I just don’t understand…); I currently have a sign in my cubicle that says, “If Britney (Spears) can make it through 2007, I can make it through this day” (thank you, Buzzfeed); I typically wear completely insensible, uncomfortable shoes to work even though I know I will always regret it; and the last four songs I listened to just now were “Breathe” by Prodigy, “Freedom 90” by George Michael, “Under the Milky Way” by the Church and “Rainy Monday” by Shiny Toy Guns.
Again, thank you to Jennifer and “Chopping Potatoes” for thinking of “Off Duty Mom” for this award.  
UPDATE:  another FABULOUS blogger has decided to spread some “versatile” love.  Check her out here.  Thanks, Calibama Mom!  I am flattered to be recognized again!


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