Off Duty Mom

Thoughts from an exhausted mom who is NEVER really "off duty"

I love you, Wine

Dear Wine,

I love you. A whole bunch. You are awesome. When I am with you, the world seems like a better place. You make a bad day so much brighter.

But, I have not been faithful to you. I have been spending time with…Beer.

And, here is my problem: I love you both. I couldn’t possibly choose.

The thing is, you see, that each of you offers me something different. Depending on my day, either of you might be just what the doctor ordered.

You see, Wine, you are fabulous. And sexy. And appropriate to accompany me at parties where food is served on little trays passed by waiters dressed in crisp white shirts. And, your cousin, Grape Juice, is totally acceptable for the under-5 set, so I feel pretty okay about being seen with you when I am in the presence of my kids.

But, Beer was in my life before I found you. We go way back. In fact, I’d be committed to Beer fairly exclusively if I hadn’t gone to that All-Inclusive where things got a little…interesting. I met you there and realized that I was not the kind who could be tied down.

And, if I am going to be honest, I also occasionally spend time with Cosmopolitan, Whiskey Sour, Margarita and that vodka that gets soaked with fresh pineapple for, like, two weeks.

I guess there is a nasty name for girls like me. I know. It’s not you. It’s me.

But, here’s the thing: I love you, but don’t always understand you. I don’t really use words like “mellow” or “full-bodied” to describe my perfect evening companion often. Most of the time, I am just looking for strength. I need strength more often than you might think.

If I had the stomach for Jim Beam Straight, I might give that a try, honestly. I get around. I know. But, Jim Beam Straight is too much for me to handle, so I am hoping to keep both you and Beer in my life, well, indefinitely.

You’re too good for me, Wine. But, stick with me. Ours is a good home. This is a good place for you: right here by my side.

I can’t promise you will be my one-and-only. I am not that kind of girl. But, we will have wonderful times together.

I love you.


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8 thoughts on “I love you, Wine

  1. Great fun! Mine would have to be chocolate related…..there are old faithfuls but I do like to try new things. Never considered the feelings of the old faithful…

    • Chocolate has also been there for me. Dark chocolate has been especially good to me. So have hot showers, clean towels, fresh sheets, naps, Advil and the music of The Cure.

      Not necessarily in that order.

      • Like your thinking – although the only song I really liked by The Cure was Love Cats, some of their stuff was a bit too heavy for me!

  2. And some things really do call for beer. PBJ leavings, goldfish crackers, mac n cheese – all beer foods, for sure. 🙂

  3. I also play around with rum and cola and rye and ginger occassionally. I know, it’s like a pretty wild college threesome, but I will always return to you wine!

    • Rum and I are friends Just friends, though. I just don’t particularly like hanging around that Mojito at all. That one reminds me too much of grass. Not the fun kind of grass; actual lawns.

  4. Jesus, a mother who loves beer and wine?! How I didn’t stumble upon you earlier is mystifying to me…lol, good stuff!

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